I'd say, "Help... a teenager cut my balls off. Call the police."

The above line pretty much sums up the entire movie I've decided to review today.


One of my favorite off-the-wall movies featuring the beautiful and talented Ellen Page and the ever amazing Patrick Wilson.

First of all, I just want to say I love this poster. I think the artwork is just...so literal when it comes to the subject of this film and it really hits hard when you're done watching.

Anyway, the movie itself is about online predators, but not about how you think.

An unsuspecting guy meets up with a young girl online. Girl lures the guy to meet her, and he takes her back to his place, where she begins her, more or less, plot to get him to do her bidding. Now, the plot doesn't seem like much. But for the scenes in the second half of the movie, it's worth the watch alone.

Ellen Page plays the first of her many typecast characters: young, witty, and too smart for her own good. She plays the girl on a search for the murderer of someone she knew. She's taking revenger against all girls hit by online predators. The one thing I didn't like about her character is how exactly she knew who she was looking for.

From what I've read, this movie is based on something that happened in Japan years ago where girls would lure predators and then did something...to them. Not quite sure what.

Anyway, this movie is more so a visual piece than anything else. It's a huge study in primary colors and clean lines. So much so that it's streamlined into a fine setpiece.

Page and Wilson do a fantastic job together as predator and prey, although the roles switch frequently.

There's one scene that has become infamous among those that have seen this film. You'll know which one it is when you get to it. It involves ice and testicles. :)

So, take a gander at this beauty. It's not to be missed for the world. The ending is something you'll never forget.

"It's like killing a unicorn..with, like, a bomb."

Stoner comedies have always been a personal favorite of mine. Actually, come to think of it, almost all drug-related movies have a spot in my heart. Don't ask me why.


Which is why I decided to blog about Pineapple Express today.






I just want to say, I fucking loved this movie. It had everything: comedy, action, drugs, some form of romance (if you call Rogen and Franco's relationship in this movie a romance...;), blood and gore, violence, foul language...everything. It was just a great movie and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Which is funny, considering I normally can't stand Seth Rogen. And the last person I expected to be in this movie was James Franco. But no one else could have played the role like he did. It was awesome. There was just so much, I don't even know where to begin.

Probably should start at the beginning of the film, yes?


Prepare yourself for the very beginning of the movie. It's awesome.


Now, onto the actual movie.


Dale is an unassuming Civil Servant who disguises himself in order to serve papers. Now, this guy is smoking from the time this movie starts to nearly the end of it. And let me tell you, Rogen makes an amazing pothead. He smokes in his car, he smokes before he serves people, he smokes before he goes into the high school to see his girlfriend, and he smokes with his dealer, Saul.

The movie technically kicks in when he goes over to Saul's house and procures, um, I think it's an 1/8 of rare weed known as Pineapple Express. Dale and Saul partake in the ultimate joint: the cross joint. I'm not even going to describe it, you need to see it yourself.


Anyway, Dale starts on his way home after the most adorable scene where Saul makes an attempt to get Dale to stay with him for a while. I've seriously never aw-ed as hard as I did at that scene. So, yeah, more on that later. But, Dale starts on his way home, smoking a joint as he goes and never getting pulled over for it, and stops in front of the house of the guy he's serving.

He witnesses a murder, a rather gory one at that, and flips out, dropping the joint out the window and running back to Saul's house. Once there, Saul realizes the connection between the weed in the joint and the two take off, starting what's possibly the craziest buddies-on-the-run plot of all time.


There's several unbelievable fight scenes. Great stunt choreography, if I must say so. Franco and Rogen are hilarious together.


I loved this movie so much I saw it twice in theaters!


Now, first and foremost, before I continue, I have to say, I'm a fan of queer cinema.


Random statement, I know. Just bear with me.


This movie is just one step below queer cinema, and I think it's intentional. Franco and Rogen have some serious chemistry, and while hilarious, it's one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
Franco is just endearing, and Rogen is just...awkward and awesome with him onscreen. Their dialogue is funny as hell, with lines such as "You know what they say about not dipping in the company ink? Well, I'm glad I dipped in your ink, man." Or something to that affect.


One of my personal favorites was one of Saul's lines: "It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb."


"The car just committed suicide." This one was dedicated to talk radio and how the car battery died. This was just a great line and was delivered with impeccable timing.


"FRISK MEH!" This one was one of my favorite lines in the whole movie. Franco goes into his friend Red's house, and like, does this insane like, monkey position, arms up in the air and everything and like, says the line in the most awesome delivery ever. I cried laughing so hard.


And the ending is so explosive, and there's just so much pseudo-gay, and it made me smile throughout the whole movie. It was just too cute not to be like, "omg." And it's not so offensive that guys will be like, "Ew."


Oh god, and the belt scene.

Not to mention, James Franco on several of the posters is just hysterical. His face is priceless.

Just see this movie. Trust me. You won't be disappointed.


And I love the fact that "om" is one of the spell check options for the above omg.

OM NOM NOM!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have liftoff.

So. Yeah.

Let's start this bitch off, shall we?

I'm going to start this off with the blog's namesake:

Eraserhead (1977)

This little gem was created by David Lynch back in the late 70's and has been one of the staples of cult film addicts everywhere. It's quirky little piece, with a hell of a history behind it. Considering it took nearly a decade to make, it's not surprising that most who see it, never forget it.

I watched this movie by myself, in an empty dorm room, with nothing but a DVD player, a blanket to cover my head with, and a friend from one of my summer college courses. I was starting my freshman year as a Film Major in Philly and decided this would be quite possibly the best introduction.

Boy was I wrong.

This movie blew me away and scared the shit out of me at the same time. I had seen Lynch movies before, having gotten into his work late senior year of high school. My friend Anthony lent me his short films DVD and I was hooked. I had tried watching Blue Velvet later on, but never quite got into it. I've seen it in bits and pieces, but from what I saw, I should really sit down and watch the whole damn thing.

Eraserhead is about a man named Henry, who finds out he's fathered the mother of all babies: this squirming little freaky thing that to this day, Lynch still won't say how it was made or puppeteered. This thing whines, cries, wiggles, screams, and just looks like all get out.

At this point, I had the blanket covering my head and was squirming around on the floor pillow I was using.

And Maddie had taken her leave, stating, "This is just too much, man."

It's shot in black and white, and really a noteworthy film. One of Lynch's first, and definitely not to be missed. It's creepy, original, and for those affected by sound in movies, such as myself, it's the be all end all of soundtracks.

The title of this blog comes from a famous scene in the movies in which Henry is at his girlfriend's house. Mary X, as she's known, hasn't really spoken to him, and suddenly invites him over to dinner. He arrives, and is surrounded by her creepy family. The line comes from the actually dinner scene itself.

Henry watches as very small chickens are put on the table and is asked to carve them. Turns out, these chickens are man-made, and weird as hell. They still move, people. They still move.

Anyway, he looks up at Mr. X, and asks:

"So I just, uh... I just cut them up like regular chickens?"
"Sure, just cut them up like regular chickens."

In which they carve the chickens, and the chickens start to move, and make noise, and the mom freaks out.

Pretty entertaining, yet creepy scene, if I do say so myself.

This movie also has a wonderful cast, if you could even really call it that. Jack Nance, mostly of Lynchian fame, is amazing in this. He's as awkward as they come, and the hair is...wow. All I can say about the hair is, if the electric socket look is what he was going for, then he certainly achieved it.

The one thing that freaked me out the most about this movie was not only the sound and the baby, but the Lady in the Radiator.

Yes, I believe that's how she's listed on the Internet Movie Database.

She's got some massive special effects make up on, and for such a low budget movie, it's pretty effective. She sings, most of the time, and also steps on what I assume to be sperm.

But as harmless as she appears, she's still the freakiest character in the whole movie besides the baby.

Now, if you ever actually get around to seeing this, check out the setup on the DVD. There's a typical Lynch thing on it. Now, it's been so long since I watched this, the last time being a Sophomore in college. But if I'm correct, and I hope my memory doesn't fail me here, there's a TV adjustment section on the DVD itself. Here's the kicker.

It's only there to fuck with you! It makes the screen blurry and it's actually very funny to watch someone try to fiddle with it.

The documentary on it is so so. Mostly Lynch in front of a microphone reliving the whole experience.

This blog is also named as such because of a wonderful musician named Cornelius, who has a song called "Like Regular Chickens" and it uses this line as a sample. Very funny stuff, considering it's like, jazzy stuff.

So, there it is. The first review. I know it's not much, but hopefully it's a start. I also apologize for the crapness of the writing. I'm working on four hours of sleep for two days. :)

There will be more to come!

Enjoy the ride.